Decision
by natsuko1512
Summary: Haibara has decided not to continue with the antidote for APTX4869. What will happen to conan?
1. Chapter 1

**= DECISION = **

Haibara has confirmed that she cannot finish the antitode for APTX 4869 drug.

This is due to the lack of information about the drug along with the 'Black Organization'.

It seems like the organization has vanished from their eyesight.

The leads the cops and Conan got led them to nothing.

This situation has caused Haibara to slow down her research.

Eventhough the prototaip antitode is working but just for a short time and it is still not complete.

The effect of the antitode slows down if the intake is excessive and their body is starting to build resistance towards the antitode.

The risk is too high so Haibara has decided not to continue her research.

She has chosen to give up and follow the nature.

Grow up like the other kids do.

She is quite satisfied with her life now.

No danger no nothing.

But for Conan he cannot and can never accept this reality.

He shouted at her,he begged her to continue her research but she is over with it.

The shouting and begging continued for quite a while.

Even Profesor Agasa joined in with Conan to persuade her but nothing worked.

Day by day passed and Conan realized that there is no point fighting and shouting at Haibara.

He decided that he would do it.

On the morning of 3rd May ,he woke up and he made his decision.

This is the day.

That day he looked at Ran.

His small eyes followed her figure everywhere she go in the apartment.

On that day itself,Ran received a call.

It was from Mrs. Edogawa,Conan's mother.

She had decided to take Conan to Australia.

Ran's cheerful face turned sad upon hearing it.

She gazed at Conan with a sad look.

Both of their eyes met and somewhat a connection ran through them and they smiled.

Eventhough she was sad but she put up a cheerful face and helped him to pack.

At that time she told him a lot of things.

She told him that she's sorry if she didn't treat him well and asked him not to forget her and sometimes to come and visit her and she will definitely miss him.

Conan just nodded his head for everything because he was scared that he will lose himself if he opened his mouth.

He is scared that he will tell everything there and then if he talked because he was having this all mixed up feelings and the thing that he would never do is telling something that may put her life in danger.

Time flew by very fast .

Edogawa was on the door steps to get Conan.

On that evening, Ran's usually cheerful face was somewhat sad.

They reached downstairs.

Ran hugged Conan for the last time and he hugged back wishing that the moment will last a bit longer but it ended.

Ran gave him a peck on his cheeks before he got into the car.

When the car was out of her sight her tears automatically ran down her cheeks.

She didn't know why but she has a hunch that she won't be seeing him again and that made her sad because Conan had been like her little brother.

In the car,Yukiko ripped off her 'Edogawa' disguise and turned and faced her son.

She questioned him if it is okay for him to do this but she never got a reply.

Conan was sitting in the back seat and he was holding Shinichi's mobile phone.

Eventhough he had decided, but he still can't make himself to do it.

After a long hour of waiting,he finally punched in the number and put the phone on his ears.

He heard the same dialing tone and he waited.

Finally she picked up.

"Hello,Ran speaking . Who is this?"

She gave her normal greeting but the other end was silent.

She tried again."Hello?anybody ther-"

"Ran!"

She was cut off but she was suprised to hear his voice.

"Shi...Shinichi!"

She managed to call out his voice stuttered and her tears were threatening to fall.

After so long ,he finally called me.

Both of them remained silent for a couple of minutes lost in their thoughts and as usual she was the first one to break the silence.

"You called me after so long!What were you doing?Fishing?...I missed you!"

She tried to sound fierce but she failed and her voice came out in a mere whisper.

Shinichi managed to laugh a bit but he was sad too and he bet that his voice also came out in whisper.

"Me too!"

How long has he waited for her to say that but why...why does she has to say it now making him much more hurt and guilty.

He just wished that someone...someone would just kill him right there and then.

"When are you coming ba-"

"I am not coming back,Ran...ever again!"

She was cut off yet again before she could finish her sentence.

It took Shinichi all his courage to finally say it out.

Ran at the other end of the line was speechless.

She snapped out of her trance state and wanted to reply back but he never gave her the chance.

He continued.

"Don't wait for me!I'm not worth it.I made you suffer a lot.A lot and i plan not to do it again.I want you to be happy and i know that you will be happy without me . You will have a much better life...and I'm sorry!"

That was his last words and he cut off the line.

He did not give Ran a chance to speak at all.

He was afraid if she speaks all his last bit of courage will fly off and he will say the same thing that he always told her that he is on a case and he will come back soon.

For the first time in his life he shed tears.

Ran stood there still holding the receiver dumbfounded.

She tried to process everything that happened just now.

Everything that Shinichi said.

She dropped down to the floor with the receiver in hand and her tears rolled down her cheeks.

Her tears kept on falling.

The pain she was having now cannot be described by words.

Suddenly,the clock beside her ticked 12 indicating that it's midnight and it is a new day.

4th May.

Ran wiped off her tears and stood with the receiver in hand.

She managed a weak smile and she whispered into it.

"Happy Birthday,Shinichi!"


	2. Chapter 2

**= PAIN =**

To not arouse suspicions from Ran or anyone he knows if he stayed in Japan, Shinichi had no choice but to follow his parents back to London.

Kudo Yusaku and Kudo Yukiko went through a lot of trouble to get their son out of Japan. It hurts not just Shinichi but his parents to know that he cannot restore himself from his shrunken body.

Now, Shinichi carried a new identity as 'Edogawa Conan'. Eventhough he has everything, he is clearly not happy. At all. He doesn't have what he wants the most. His identity as 'Kudo Shinichi'.

While he was in London, he had been secretly searching high and low for the 'Black Organization'. Adding the aid from his father and his accomplices, they started their investigation. It was tough convincing Yusaku, but all the fighting and arguments with his father finally paid off.

They managed to sneak someone inside the organization. Causing an internal conflict, they succesfully made the BO to split up. Seizing this opportunity, cops from all over the world ganged up to capture these black rats who have been dominating the underground world.

Their base in Tokyo has beencompletely annihilated. Allthe members were caught. This was kept asecret form civilians since these underground rats are not known by normal citizens, but Shinichi was well informed of every single activity and raid that had been carried out upon the BO members.

This wasnt a easy feat that was over in a day os two. It took a whole two years for the complete destruction of the Black Organization. Pease and satisfaction filling Shinichi's day, he knows that there will be no one suffering from BO. Ever. Again.

**A year later ( after the annihilation of BO )**

Shinichi received a call from an unexpected person carrying an unexpected news. It was Haibara. Somehow she had managed to complete the APTX 4869 antidote. Shinichi was so overjoyed when he heard that news.

" I will come to Japan right now! ". He screamed with joy over the was more than ready to hop on a plane and land straight in Professor Agasa's house but he was stunned when Haibara rejected his idea.

" No. " She just said that one word bluntly over the line. Shinichi was stunned. He was cluless why she denied his idea of coming to Japan.

" Why? Why cant I come? " He was clearly upset and confused at the same time. All kind of speculation danced in his mind. He was afraid when Haibara was not willing to give the antidote to him but her answer she gave completely caught him off guard.

" Because... I am already in London. " Haibara was totally amused by the way she had scared the heck out of him. She was pretty sure Kudo Shinichi was gaping like an idiot when he heard her answer. She snickered at the thought. Before she ended the call, she added.

" Kudo-kun, you're an idiot as ever."

Shinichi (in his shrunken state) met up with Professor Agasa and Haibara who had already restore herself and came to London with the identity of Shiho Miyano. He was delighted to see the result of the antidote on Shiho.

He took the pill hoping for the same result it had shown on Shiho and as expected. The medicine did its wonder. His grown up body was restored . his 21 year old body. It was a long awaited moment and it felt so nostalgic for him to finally have his own body back.

The joy and thrill he was experiencing was undescribeable. He asked Shiho how she managed to complete the when she had totally given up.

Half a year ago, someone had pur an envelope into Professor Agasa's mailbox. The envelope contained a CD. The CD contained information about APTX 4869 drug. That is why Shiho was able to finish it.

From the surveilance camera otside Professor Agasa's house, they managed to capture an image of a man putting in the mentioned envelope. He was dressed in black. A long black trench coat and a black woolen hat over his head. He had burn scar and scary looking eyes which appeared as though he hadn't slept for a very very long time ( according to Shiho ).

Those descriptions most probably were referring to Akai Shuichi who used to belong to BO. Well the scary looking confirms that its him. Seems that Akai knew of his identity when Conan was helping the FBI. Only that explains why he would hand such valuavle and important information to Shiho.

Also the fact that Shiho is Akemi Miyano, his former lover's sister, maybe... just maybe he wanted to do a little something for her. The thought made Shinichi smile to himself. Shiho saw that smile and gave him ' You are a weirdo ' look. He just decided to keep it a secret.

As soom as he was restored , he was very overjoyed that he was practically over the moon. He wanted to go back to japan that instant. He packed his bag, joyful thoughts swimming in his mind. Meeting back with Ran after so long is what he can think of that time. Shiho knew all along what he was up to. She stared at moving to his closet, taking out clothes out and stuffing them into a travel bag on top of his bed. She leaned against the wall in his room and stared intently at can feel her eyes boring into him and it was getting a tad bit uncomfortable.

" What? " He asked without looking at her. Shiho just kept quiet, she just looked at him packing his bag. There was no amswer! That made Shinichi stop stuffing his clothes and looked at her.

" What? " He asked again. Again she just looked at him and sighed. Loudly. Shinichi was suprised and confused.

" You..." She started. Shiho avoided his gaze and looked at the marble floor in his room. " You think what you are doing is right? " Shinichi didn't get what she was saying.

" What are you talking about? Doing what is right? " He asked.

" What you are doing now! " She answered anger transmitting in her voice. Rage was radiating throughout her body while she looked at Shinichi with narrowed eyes.

Shinichi raised one brow and questioned innocently, " Packing my bag is wrong? ".

Shiho was practically fuming right now. She rolled her eyes and said, " Are you an idiot, Kudo-kun? "

Shinichi's eyes widened by her remark. " Wha...?! Why are you calling me an idiot? "

" Duh! What else should i call you! " She raised her voice high enough to make Shinichi take a step back. She glared at him for a full 2 minutes wanting to say something, but nothing came out. Shiho closed her eyes , took a deep breath and sighed tiredly.

With a more composed voice and tone, she said, " You...going to Japan...is wrong. "


	3. Chapter 3

**= PAIN 2 =**

" Me...going back to my home country... is wrong? WHAT is WRONG with YOU? Come on. It's been three years i have not gone back and now you're telling, me going to Japan is wrong! Are you ok? Did you hit your head somewhere or something? " Now it was Shinichi's turn to burst with anger.

Shiho remained calm. She didn't utter a word till he calmed down. Then she spoke, " Going back to Japan is not the problem here. The purpose of you going back is what I am worried about. "

For a moment there, he didn't get what she was trying to convey. The purpose. Purpose. What purpose. Then it hit him. Of course. It's the purpose of him going there. Thinking of his purpose, his face turned to a shade of red. The blood rushed to his face and it felt really hot. Like really hot.

" What... what purpose? I... I am just going to... to visit... my country! No... no other reasons. Yeah. That's it! " he was flustered. He knew that Haibara knew his purpose. Of course she would. She knows almost everything he wants so hard to hide. But Shinichi was trying hard to hide his real reason.

" Right. " she was looking at him her eyebrows raised. " You're gonna just visit your country. " Her tone was sarcastic. " Like hell I am gonna believe you! You are obviously going there for one sole reason. " Shinichi crossed his finger and begged in his mind. Don't say it. Don't say it. Please!

" For Ran. " Shinichi's face turned beet red. " It's all over your face. " She crossed her arms over her chest and walked across his room and flopped down on his bed while Shinichi was busy checking if there was anything written on his face.

" Stupid. " She mutered quietly when she saw him checking his face in the mirror.

After a while, Shinichi sat on his bed too. His back facing hers. He remained silent for awhile expecting Haibara to say something, but she did the same too.

" What's wrong with my purpose? Yeah. I am going to see her. So what? " He spoke out his thought. He wants to know why is haibara opposing. So what if he wants to go there just to see her. There is absolutely nothing wrong to it.

Shiho just closed her eyes thinking of the right words to voice out. " You... " She couldn't continue. Whatever she say wil definitely make him hurt and burst out in anger. But there is no choice.

" Don't you think...you... are being selfish? " she knows what she will say further will definitely hurt him very deep but she must make him realise his choice is one that he shouldn't take so easily.

" Have you ever thought how she will feel when you suddenly pop up from nowhere after 3 years? Shiho questioned him. She continued without giving Shinichi the chance to answer.

" You think you can just go to her and say 'Hi, Ran. How ya been? You know you should forget all the things I said three years ago. Cause I love you.' " Shiho imitated Shinichi's tone. She felt him stiffen at the last three words that she said. " Maybe not the 'love you' part. " she added later and he relaxed letting out a soft sigh.

" Then she says 'Oh, I am so happy! ' and accepts you and both of you live happily ever after? " She rolled her eyes at what she said and glanced back at Shinichi over her shoulder. His ears was red. Shiho's eyes widened and her voice came out as a squeak. " You thought of that didn't you? " She shook her lightly before turning back her eyes examining the wall in front of her.

" Get a grip, Kudo-kun. Those only happen in fairy tales not in reality. If you're really thinking of doing it, then you are only going to make yourself happy. Ran...wili just get hurt. " Shiho didn't mean anything when she said all those. She is just ... just telling the truth. The cruel reality.

" Think about her feelings too! " Shinichi felt as though Shiho had punched thousands of holes in his chest. His heart ached as each and every woord sank into every cell in his body.

Whatever he wanted to do from now on will not erase the bitter memories he had caused. Neither will he be able to forget it. If only he could turn back time. If only he hadn't said those words. If only he knew things would turn out this way. If only he knew. If only.

" What should I do? " Shinichi spoke so softly that it nearly missed Shiho's ear. Shiho thought for awhile, her eyes fixed on a photoframe on his study table. A photo of him and Ran. They looked so happy. So contented.

_Why can't life be a fairy tale?_ Shiho thought bitterly before standing up from his bed. With her standing so abruptly , Shinichi turned to see her just to be greeted by her back. He looked at her intently wishing that se would give him an...answer.

" I don't know. " Shiho said flatly. A wave of dissapointment washed through him and he hung his head down slightly. His lips shaped in a childish pout.

Shiho walked towards his room's door and paused. She glanced at Shinichi over her shoulders and turned back in front. " That... is something you should figure out, Kudo-kun. " She threw those words at him before stepping out of the room.

He turned his head slowly in the direction of the door. Shiho was already out of sight. He averted his eyes to his hands and stared at it for no reason. He sighed. Again. For the millionth time that day.

" Damn it! " Shinichi cursed. " Can't she tell all of it in a more gentler way. " He touched his chest and felt his heart beat steadily but ... painfully. The stinging sensation caused by her words stil lingered around. " I. Hate. Her. " Shinichi put in as much hatred as he could in those words he spat out.

" I heard that! " Shiho's voice rang from the hallway outside his room. Shinichi whipped his head around to see if she was standing there glaring at him but all he saw was the door to his staring back at him lazily.

" Phew! " he wiped off the non-existant sweat on his forehead. " Sharp ears, just like fox! " He muttered under his breath.

" I heard that too! " Again she called out amusement clearly floating in her voice. Shinichi slapped his face with the palm of his hand wondering how she could have heard that and plopped down on his bed. _Maybe she bugged my room... Ya right._He thought smiling at his own bewildered thoughts. He closed his eyes shut, trying to clear his mind but failing miserably. He opened his eyes and looked randomly around his room, leeting his eyes land on a photoframe on his table. A picture of him and the one he treasured most. Ran.

He stared at her smiling face. It looked so genuine. He wondered if she would smile like that to him...again. A pang of pain coursed through him. He felt an urge to cry. To bawl his heart out. Instead he turned his attention to the ceiling.

" Guess this trip is cancelled after all. " His hand reached for the plane ticket lying on the bedside table and ripped it into pieces. The pieces fluttered down to rest on the floor, as did his feelings of hope. All the hopes he held for this visit came crashing down like a horrible plane crash and shattered into millions of pieces.

Frustrated of what he is feeling. He sprang out of his bed. Shinichi took his half stuffed travel bag and threw it towards the wall with all his might. The bag crashed on the wall and slided down painfully to floor spilling some clothes out of it's mouth along the way.

Shinichi's anger was boiling like hot pot of soup. Throwing the bag wasn't enough to vent his anger. Hopeles. Helpless. Angry. Weak . stupid. That's what he is feeling right now. The fact that he can't do anything made him want to slam his head on the wall.

_Life sucks._ He thought to himself and stormed out of his room.


End file.
